Fancy this in your sandwich?

Beach lovers will be in ecstasy in Portugal. The first time I took my partner Martin there, his jaw hit the floor. He was in beach paradise. I've never known anyone stand on the edge of a beach and look at the sea for SOOOOO long! Whenever we go, we walk for miles, search rock pools and find, well, some pretty odd things, like this...

 

Know what this is? Answer at the end of this blog.

 

 

 

But.... the best thing about being on the beach is looking at views like this..

 

 

The funniest thing I ever heard on a beach came from the lips of a middle aged British woman carrying a jam jar. She randomly approached a startled young Portuguese man and asked: "Do you know where I can find some shells?"

The look of astonishment/shock/cluelessness on his face was priceless!

 

If she had asked, where can I find some sand, it wouldn't have seemed any more ridiculous....

 

Finally, full marks to anyone who recognised the sea cucumber! 😊 Well done you.

Portugal, the total anthithesis to car-obsessed UK

Drive an old motor in England and you're looked down on like a leper. Materialistic Brits obsess over cars, spend thousands on them and talk about engine sizes, start-stop technology and dampers. How boring is that! I only got rid of my last faithful motor, a Peugeot 106 diesel, after 10 years because slugs were mysteriously getting inside  it and giving me a nasty, sqelchy shock when I pressed the accelerator. No idea how or why they got in. My mechanic  was baffled too.

Consequently, another thing I like about Portugal is the fact that you're more likely to see an old car than a new one, and flash Harry types are few and far between. Instead, look out for gems like this....

Apparently cars are expensive in Portugal and the economy means disposal incomes don't run to new cars every five minutes, but the country is all the better for it, I feel. No Audi drivers hugging your bumper, no boy racers in Lamborghinis... but you will see some classic motors looking immaculate.

ARMEN, the barman... Falesia Hotel's barrel of laughs

Portuguese and Brits united by sense of humour

LAUGHS, and plenty of them, are guaranteed whenever I'm in Portugal. Why? Because they have the same sense of humour as us. And this isn't even a joke, it's a real warning road sign! We could do with a few zillion of these in the UK...

The Brits have a biting, sarcastic, sardonic wit that, let's face it, some nations just don't get. I was in Canada once on a press trip with a bunch of fellow journalists and it was the done thing to trade a few playful insults.

I will never forgot the look of utter horror on our Canadian guide's face when Miranda hurled a cutting jibe at Jonny over his 'bum-fluff' facial hair because he hadn't bothered to shave.  It was just in jest. They knew it, I knew it, all the Brits knew it. We all smirked on unison while Jonny bit back with equal ferocity (in jest). The only one who didn't realise just a joke was the horrified Canadian who thought he was about to witness a typical scene from EastEnders (British soap where everyone shouts ALL the time. I never watch it!)

Sarcasm is the way we roll, and the Portuguese are brilliant at it too. So much so, it's a joy to behold. They are also great actors. Ask them for another beer on a red hot day and they will say, with deadpan expression: 'I am sorry, all the beer is finished.'

After you've ranted and huffed and puffed they'll burst out laughing and say: 'Only joking!'

Simple humour maybe, but I love it. In Britain we have a name for it: banter.

I once asked for a very small cappuccino at Hugo's Tapas (great little bar in Acoteias) and this is what I got....

Yep.... a VERY small cappuccino! In an espresso cup. Brilliant. That's what I love about the Portuguese. Always ready to have a laugh, and make me laugh....

As for the aforementioned road sign?! I couldn't get over it. Brilliant but a bit off-putting if you're just on your way out for your evening meal....

Algarve addicts unite....

WHAT'S THE ALGARVE'S WINNING FORMULA?

 

Well, how about oodles of laid-back charm. This is February in Ohlos de Agua. It should be easy to see why it was love at first sight.  I escaped a grey and depressing British winter and found myself here, and the holiday for three came in at less than £500 (flights and B&B). Pretty impressive, I'd say...

 

My sons loved it too. I thought it would be too quiet for them. But no. They thought it was great. They were 12 and 15 respectively when they first went to Portugal.

How about that for a beach.... to yourself? Unless you're sun-tanned obsessed go out of season and enjoy long beach walks. Natural springs rise out of the sand in  Olhos de Agua, which means eyes of water.  When the tide is out you can walk for miles. We walked from Ohlos to Vilamoura once but I don't recommend it unless you're bursting with energy!! Or a bit crazy, like me! It took much longer than we anticipated .... I felt like I was wandering through the Sahara!

 

The start of my Portugal love story....

August 25, 2015
Hello to anyone good enough to read this. Either you love Portugal as much as me or you're interested in visiting the country. Either way, I hope my experiences will help you.
 I first went to Portugal many years ago and hated it! I went on a package deal, ended up in crummy accommodation in a chavvy spot,  my mate was mourning another failed relationship and the country really didn't gel with me. All I recalled was the magnificence of the beach.
Fast forward 20 years and I was desperately trying to find a low priced family holiday for me and my two sons. Thanks to TripAdvisor, I hit upon the Velamar Hotel in Olhos de Agua four years ago and I've been back to the same area 10 times since.
That's unreal for me. I love discovering different places and always vowed never to return to the same resort. But something hooked me, captured my heart and soul. I always warn people, if they follow in my footsteps they may fall in  love.... with a country. Oh, and they may also find perfect contentment along with... new Portuguese friends, a passion for Super Bock lager, bags  of sunshine, mind-blowing beaches and a laid-back vibe.
This blog is just for fun and pure pleasure for me. I'll be sharing pictures, anecdotes and recommendations.
 I can write for England but a picture is worth a thousand words so let's start with some early beach shots. Just in case you didn't believe me.  The first and last images shown here were taken in February. Yes, really. The dusk shot of me on the beach was snapped in October.
Top tip and lesson number one, unless you are obsessed with sunbathing, go out of season and get these magnificent beaches to yourself.